“we met in a coffee shop”
Devil in the Details
Every few days I go to this coffee shop by my house to study and, nearly every time, I see the man who will undoubtedly become the love of my lifestyle. He just doesn’t know it yet.
Every few days I go to this coffee shop by my house to study and, nearly every time, I see the man who will undoubtedly become the love of my lifestyle. He just doesn’t know it yet.
HIM: Tell me… What do you think is wrong? (He Pauses)
“I started seeing a guy after meeting him at a charity event. Two weeks in, he calls me and says that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship because he’s going to be moving back to his parents in Dubai in a few months time. I asked him if he maybe wanted to try it out and see how the distance worked out for us. If it was too much, we could still be friends. He agreed.
“A few weeks after moving back to Dubai (we had been dating for eight months at this point), he and I are on Skype. He says, ‘I haven’t been entirely truthful. I told you the last girl I dated was five years ago but that’s not true. There was someone after that as well.’ This got my thinking really hard and all I asked after that was if she’s still in the picture. And if so, in what capacity. He said (I kid you not), ‘She’s still my girlfriend.’ I was the ‘other woman’ and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW.
“Here’s where it gets good. I reached out to his girlfriend via Facebook, sent her my number, and asked her to give me a call. She called me later that night and I told her everything, along with apologising for not having heeded the red flags. She was understanding of that fact that we were both blindsided. He later told me that my telling her everything had ‘ruined the sanctity’ of their relationship.
My First Korean Blind DateAbout Kylie GenterKylie Genter is an English teacher in South Korea.
Just as I was about to start class, I got a text from my Korean tutor. “When do you meet a guy? Friday or Saturday?”
My first thought was Friday? Saturday? I meet guys all the time. I decided to answer with, “What are you talking about?”
“A Korean guy. Don’t you want a boyfriend?” Turns out my teacher was setting me up on a blind date.
A couple of lessons before, I was talking to my teacher about how poor my Korean speaking skills were. I told her, “I should just get a Korean boyfriend, and then I can practice all the time.”
Instantly, my teacher’s eyes lit up as she said, “Yes! I can do that for you! Finally! What kind of man do you want? I can take care of everything for you! Just tell me!”
Blind dates are very popular in Korea. They’re usually set up by a person’s friend, coworker, or even parents.
“I… no, don’t worry… uh..” I was spluttering words at this point.
“Don’t worry! I’ll get you a blind date. Just leave it to me.”
After this exchange, I had hoped she’d forget about it after teaching other foreigners seven days a week. This was not the case and the next week, she made plans for my first blind date.
Blind dates are very popular in Korea. They’re usually set up by a person’s friend, coworker, or even parents. I’ve had plenty of people offer to set me up on blind dates: my tutor, my coworkers, my Korean friends, my foreigner friends, and a random Korean woman I met on the subway in Seoul.
Everyone wants to set me up on blind dates because everyone wants me to have a boyfriend. I can’t even tell you the number of times Korean people have asked me if I have a boyfriend, and when I’ve said no, have shot me a horrified, “But why?” with varying degrees of shock and sympathy.
“I don’t know why,” I usually answer.
Then the conversation can go a few ways:
Korean person: “But you’re so pretty.”
Me: “Oh, I know.”
Korean person (grabs male Korean friend): “He’s single; you should talk to him.”
Me: “Uh… okay?”
Korean person: “I know lots of nice boys. I’ll get you a date.”
Me: “Uh…. (quickly changes subject).”
However, sometimes I do wish I had someone. I’ve never had a boyfriend before so maybe I should give it a shot.
It’s not so much that I’m afraid of men, it’s more that I’ve been single for a really long time. I don’t want to bother getting emotionally invested in someone because that takes a lot of time and energy. In simple terms, I’m selfish, but at this point in my life, that’s okay. However, sometimes I do wish I had someone. I’ve never had a boyfriend before so maybe I should give it a shot.
With that thought in mind, I told my tutor I’d go on the date the next week. Then I bombarded her with questions and worries. What if he hated me? What if he was creepy? What if this was some horrible prank? What if I fell in love with him at first sight, and he thought I was terrible and then I died alone like I always feared? Like any sane person, she told me to calm down.
I talked to a couple of my friends about the whole situation and they all soothed my mind. First I talked to my friend Lish, who is American, and she told me about some blind date horror stories from home.
Then I talked to one of my Korean friends at a language exchange. “Don’t worry,” he said. “It’ll be fine. Blind dates can be great. I met my wife on a blind date.”
“Really?” I said, leaning almost all the way across the table to hear his answer.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Wow. Phew— Okay I can do this.”
The day of the date came and I was instructed to meet this mystery Korean blind date man in front of the movie theater downtown.
“He’ll be looking for a foreigner. I don’t have a picture.” My tutor said.
I shot her a sarcastic, “Great…”
I’d say the most important thing I gained from the experience was the confidence to go on another blind date here.
As I was about to leave my office to meet him, I started panicking.
“I’m freaking out,” I said between short shallow breaths as I sought comfort from my friend, Lish. “Oh god, I can’t feel my hands.”
“You have nothing to lose! Remember, it’s just meeting a new friend! That’s all it is.”
As always, all of my worrying was for nothing. The guy was really nice, although there was a pretty big language barrier. Did we make a connection? Not really, but it was a pleasant experience overall. I’d say the most important thing I gained from the experience was the confidence to go on another blind date here. Who knows, maybe one will work out?
The Simplest Dinner Menu That Will Still Blow Your Date Away
BY PAULA FORBES
Hello, lovers. Now that you’ve mastered the basic rules for date-night cooking, it’s time to put those skills to use on the ultimate romantic menu: steak for two. You should not be daunted by steak. Steakhouses have fancy dining rooms and fancy wine lists and fancy menu prices, but cooking meat for your beloved is about as primal as you can get. If it got the early humans laid, who’s to say it won’t work for you?
Once you’ve successfully cooked your hunk of meat, all you have to do is put something nice next to it and you’ve got a meal. Want to keep things light? Make a salad. Want to go all out? Mash the hell out of some potatoes. It’s all pretty simple. So break out the sharp knives and take the batteries out of the smoke alarm: It’s time to get your steak on.
First things first: You need some meat. Unless you know one of you likes it burnt and one of you likes it bloody, get a big steak to split. It’s more romantic that way, and more fun. Something in the 18-ounce range if it has a bone; 14 ounces if not. Don’t sweat the cut too much: Rib eyes are probably your best bet, but anything that’s about an inch thick and nicely marbled with fat will do the trick. Go to a good butcher, since they will have more options for you to choose from. (This is not the time to get the cling-wrapped stuff in a styrofoam container.) Spring for an aged steak if you like—it’ll have a super beefy, almost blue cheese-y funk to it—but if not, buy the best you can afford and move on.
Once you get it home, put that hunk of meat in the refrigerator until about an hour before you’re going to cook it—you want it to come up to room temperature.
Add Some Sides
You will need a potato, most likely. Mashed potatoes will do the trick if you’re into them, or if you want something ultra-easy, go for baked potatoes. (Gussy them up with crumbled bacon and sour cream and chopped herbs when they’re done.) If you trust your cooking skills, go ahead and make a classic (read: fancy) potato like Potatoes Anna or a gratin.
You also need a vegetable. Ideally something green. If you’re feeling spunky, swing by the farmers’ market and check out what’s in season. Right now, you might try snap peas or asparagus, quickly cooked in well-salted boiling water for a minute and then tossed with a bit of butter, salt, and pepper. Or make a simple salad: Buy the most beautiful lettuce you can find and toss it with a bit of oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper before serving. Boom, done.
Get Some Wine
Red wine. The specific red wine is your call, but it has to be red, and again the best you can afford. This is date night: You’re looking to impress. If you have no idea what you’re doing, go to a good wine shop and ask for help. Put a bit of a chill on the wine, but don’t get it totally cold: Put it in the refrigerator about 20 minutes before your date shows up. Serve it in wine glasses if at all possible, but short glass tumblers will do in a pinch.
Get a Pan Really, Really, Really Hot
Ideally, you should use a cast-iron pan. If you don’t have one, use the most heavy-duty pan you own that will fit the big steak. While the pan is heating up, season the steak with salt and pepper generously on both sides. When the pan is really ridiculously hot—almost smoking—open the closest window to the stove and add a swish of vegetable oil to the pan. Add the steak. It will smoke and spit like crazy. (Aren’t you glad you opened a window?) This is, perhaps, the one drawback to making steak for date night, but it is also dramatic and exciting, so maybe it depends on what kind of person your date is.
Sear, Baby, Sear
Leave the steak to cook on one side for a few minutes, then flip. You’re looking for that good brown sear to form on both sides, and once you’ve got that, you only want to cook it to just how you like it. There are all kinds of ways to test how done a steak is, but in general, find the part of the steak that is farthest from the edge or a bone and poke it with your finger. You want it to be tougher than it was when it was raw, but still have a good amount of give. If you have a meat thermometer, 130°F will get you a medium-rare steak, while 150 will get you a more well-done but still rosy steak.
Dinner Is Served
Your steak will need some time to rest when it’s finished. Set it on a plate with a piece of butter on top, and finish your sides. (Also, pour some wine for your date who just got smoked out by the steak situation. Make a little joke about it. It’s fine.) Once it’s rested, slice it into thin strips. If you really want to get fancy, dot it with a sauce like chimichurri or Béarnaise. But honestly? The steak, a glass of wine, and your smile should do the trick. Now go get ’em.
Originally posted on:
Okay, I was at a prominent French bar where lots of French gals are known to social. The bar is located inside the La Fleur Francaise restaurant that specializes in French cooking but also include many American dishes on their menu.
La Fleur Francaise is known, not only for its fine cuisine, but for having unique bands that played classic and popular French music. ‘Parlez-Moi d’Amour‘ /Tell Me About Love, was the song being played by the band GiGi.
Me,, I decided to take breather after work. Six o’clock p.m. until 7 p.m., my downtime. This was my “happy hour”. So, I sat casually sipping from a tall glass of Sauvignon blanc. , a nightcap for a mad-hatter. It had been a rough work day. But, I was beginning to feel more relaxed after leaving my blazer in the car.
Was he… ‘Some Guy’ in a flirtatious mood or not? Surely “F-R-E-N-C-H” was protruding from my very being!
Yes, there he was standing near me giving an occasional wink and smile. he was coming on to me. I sat lady like with my leg crossed. I assumed my sitting was not provocative. But he certainly was swayed by my unspokeness and ‘air’ of being a French introvert. Some call it being haughty or arrogant; but, most think of it as pure French feminist etiquette…”Stuck Up”.
Whoah… !! He was quite handsome. But, seemingly, he had ideas about “F-R-E-N-C-H” women and seduction, all-in-his-head. I decided to make a play of it. You know, slick-girl style, impromptu … (this was going through my head).
He introduced himself as Wendell Drake and ask my name. Hesitantly, showing slowness with English, I responded that my name was Salonya Jodon.
“May I sit beside you, Salonya?” he asked in a brokenness of French. Again I hesitated but said Oui Oui.
Pointing to the menu he offered to buy us some hors d’oeuvres. Although I refused, he. placed an order for himself. Wendell asked if he could buy me another glass of wine, but, courteously I said no. After all, I was still slowly sipping Sauvignon blanc that I first ordered.
Any young, single female would have fallen for Wendell right then and there. First of all, not only was he good looking, but solvent. At least that was the portrait he painted of himself. He shared that he was an industrial contractor, a swim- team. member and… Wendell lived in a penthouse. (Hmm, I was thinking… why was he out on a prowl?)
When sharing my person with Wendell, I told him that I was a struggling artist who worked for an advertising agency, but had just lost my job. And, I told him that I was from Paris France and all of my family were deceased. I was all alone (None of which was true)
Wendell pitied me. Nontheless, we continued on sharing our likes and dislikes.
Wendell suggested that we go to the movies. I agreed. We were both intrigued by ‘Spy’ movies.
Wendell shared with me his love for biking. I showed ‘just a little’ enthusiasm to go on a bike ride with him.
Basically, I shared with Wendell my love to just sit at the park and watch children play. I was a pretty laid-back. person.
I also shared my love for picnics. He shared his love for picnics too and hinted on many hiking areas in nearby canyons. Wendell felt we had so much in common we should talk more.
Obviously our conversation was getting ‘BIG’. That’s when he whispered in my ear for me to
go over to his place. He said he had a Jacuzzi.
In French a Jacuzzi was as close to ‘une baignoire’ bath as an ocean is to the vast blue sea.
On that accord, I became really annoyed And did a 360° degree on him. What a transformation. Just as I thought, the guy was a sleeze. So I ordered myself some French fries-to go. I stood up, gave Wendell a repulsive stare, stuffed a handfull of French fries into my mouth, and I left.
I am so thankful that I studied French in high school and college. He thought I was the real thing.
©2018 Doro Dancer (AmericaOnCoffee) All rights reserved
Recovering from a Breakup: Proven Ways to Heal (From Science)
by Karen Young
Even if your heart tries to pull its broken self together to tell you it’s for the best, and your head – foggy and sad – tells you the pain will pass, the agony of a breakup can be relentless. When you’re recovering from a breakup, it’s important not to hurry things along – it’s your time to reset, recharge and draw wisdom from the experience – but what if your healing could be strong and complete … and quicker? Science may have just found the way.
New research has found that broken-hearted ones who reflected more on their relationships over a nine week period had a stronger overall recovery from their breakup.
An important part of the healing is a process called ‘self-concept reorganisation’, which involves rebuilding and strengthening the sense of who you are, independent of
Relationships have a profound impact on the beliefs we have about ourselves, whether we realise it or not. During the course of a relationship, it’s very normal to ‘intertwine’ with a partner. Goals and directions change, as well as wants and needs for now and the future.
This isn’t because you lose yourself, though certainly that can happen, but because intimacy involves opening up to another person – opening up to their love, wants, needs, feelings, opinions, love, goals, dreams. When that happens, you can’t help but be influenced and eventually move in the same direction. Sometimes that involves adjusting your own sails. It’s all a healthy part of being with someone fully, and part of the unpredictable magic of relationships.
A breakup means the undoing of this merging, which is painful to go through. However strong and independent a person may be, the fracturing of a relationship can also mean the fracturing of the self-concept. One of the most painful parts of a breakup is that it up-ends things as you’ve come to know them. The familiar is gone, plans are changed and the future all of a sudden has too many blank spaces where happy things used to be.
Part of the healing is re-establishing who you are without your partner. Anything that can repair and re-strengthen the self-concept, will accelerate healing.
So, to get you back to strong, based on science …
Talk. Go on. Go for it.
There are a couple of ways that talking about a breakup might help to facilitate healing. The first is that talking about the relationship will help to bring a different perspective to things. It’s not called a ‘breakup’ because it’s working well. Being in love or being in like-a-lot can blur things, hide things and dress things up, sometimes at the cost of clarity. There will be a level of insight that will throw itself at your feet when you talk about the relationship from a more distant perspective.
Find your story.
Talking helps to construct a story of the relationship that gives meaning to the experience – including the experience of the relationship, the breakup, and perhaps most importantly for healing, the recovery.
Let me explain …
If you tell the story of your breakup as one of rejection and a lost happy ever after, recovery will be slow, kind of like ‘walking through quicksand’ type of slow. It’s really easy to get stuck in this narrative when the thoughts are locked in your head and want to be with you at 2am. On the other hand, talking to people in your tribe will help you find a way to understand your story from a position of strength. This might involve finding the lessons, the learning and reframing the experience as, say, an ending, rather than a rejection.
An emotional release – journalling.
Having an emotional release is an important part of healing. Journalling is one way to do this as it allows you to capture and give definition to the thoughts and feelings that are swirling around inside. Journalling doesn’t have to be done every day to have an effect. Even a few times a week will help the healing.
Write – as though you’re talking to a stranger.
Writing repeatedly about the process of the breakup as though speaking with a stranger about it, is another way to move towards healing. As well as being an emotional release, it also encourages a fresh perspective and new insights.
Reclaim yourself – what’s been neglected?
Reclaiming a strong self-concept – establishing who you are outside of the relationship – is critical and will be enormously supportive of a recovery. Think about the parts of yourself that might have been pushed aside during the relationship. When you’ve found these, find ways to build them and nurture them.
And expand them.
Find new ways to expand your self concept. When you feel ready, (or maybe a little before then) take up new interests, establish new goals or re-establish your direction. Given that your need to connect has been messed with, anything that will give you the opportunity to connect with others who will also see you as your own, unique person will really help the healing process.
A breakup is an ending, not a rejection. It might not feel like that initially, but it’s an important thing to remember. When your heart has been broken, it can take a while to find your way back to whole but you will get there. Healing from a broken heart is as much a physical process as it is an emotional one. It’s very similar to recovering from an addiction, which is why it feels so hard and so damn painful.
Above all else, remember that there were things about you that were beautiful, strong, vibrant and extraordinary before the relationship. Nothing has changed.
Chantal and Mike are a truly dynamic duo, one with a dream of starting a boutique coffee shop and the other with a zeal for eco-tiny house building. When these unique passions were combined to create Le Bon cafe, a wonderful and rare work of functional art was the result.